>go home from work at 3:13, 3 minutes late

>try to login to friend's account with CSS

>password changed

>go on own account and notice friend in Philippines is offline

>rage more

>read half of gears of war coalitions end

>notice 1 hour and a 1/2 went by

>cuss at self

>go on iw4

>do good with m16 and think is badass

>gets destroyed with tubes

>rage and makes tube class

>goes 10-3

>quits

>notices is 7:47

>reads 1 page of gears of war

>types half of daily report

>goes on minecraft and farms stuff

>types this

Cool story.

Cool story bro, needs more pirates

>walk into Toy R Us

>ask for a Hatsune Miku figurine

>"What?"

>leeks slowly drips from my pockets

>oh god not again

>face gets red

>"Please give me a Hatsune Miku figurine now."

>"I don't know what that is. what show is that from?"

>struggling to contain my embarrassment

>clenching asscheeks together to hold in my shit

>Meanwhile leeks are flowing from my pockets

>voice reduced to a mumble

>"have money please Hatsune Miku give money please figurine"

>"Are you okay?"

>shit breaches through my asscheeks

>propelled forward at 60mph

>crash through the Toy R Us employee's counter

>he's holding onto me for dear life

>all the while leeks are flowing out of my pockets like fumes

>crash through the entire row of buildings in the strip mall, broken glass shards in my face

>yelling "HATSUNE MIKU PLEASE MONEY TOY R US HATSUNE MIKU"

>Toy R Us employee is covered in shit and leeks

>my pocket rocket shows no signs of stopping

>he tilts me backwards

>the sheer force of my shit has reached 650mph, we are now propelling upwards

>the leeks and shit intertwines and falls down to earth in glorious green and brown streams as we head towards the stratosphere

>children below frolic in the mess falling from my anus

>the g-force is causing my asscheeks to flap vigorously and create a gale

>leeks and shit blowing through the air on the planet below

>3 miles upwards now

>Toy R Us employee has died from lack of oxygen, his body falls to the surface below and is shredded by the force of my shit

>my transformation is almost complete

>as I leave the atmosphere my bear hands sprout and my tail grows, acting as a rudder

>steer myself across the comsos with my gleaming shit and leek trail