Pasta is allowed as long as it's good.

 

>be me

>be astronaut

>slutty other fem-astronaut always showing off her skimpy space suit in front of me

>she wants the D

>plays hard to get

>smuggled booze on board in my water container

>show her

>she likes

>getting drunk as fuck together hundreds of miles above the earth

>she opens her poopflap and wiggles in front of me

>awwyeah.jpg

>open pee flap and float over to her

>try to push it in

>tfw no gravity

>she floats away

>repeat again

>keeps floating away

>jam ourselves in airlock

>brace for impact

>stick it in

>almost cumming

>knock on airlock, ignore

>THIS IS SPACE POLICE SURRENDER OR WE WILL FORCE OUR WAY IN

>open the door

>get on the floor

>everybody walk the dinosaur

You picked a horrible green.

 

>walk into public toilet at the same time as somebody else

>our eyes meet

>both go into different cubicles

>stuck in a pooping cold war, where neither of us wants to be the guy who makes the first disgusting noise

>trapped in this state for 20 minutes

 

 

>be on /g/, using my Gentoo rig powered by QUADFIRE 7970s and an i7 2600k, when knock at cave door

>OPEN UP WE'S THE POH LEASE

>push a couple old Pentium 4s against the door (those things are just so damn handy)

>begin waddling towards escape hatch

>BANG BANG BANG

>cops shooting the door, screaming MURIKA FUCK YEAH

>be Canadian, quite confused

>continue waddling as fast as I can

>cops break door down

>they begin sprinting towards me

>one gets caught in my intranet

>fuck that was an expensive cable it's hard to get them that long

>whatever

>cop begins shooting me

>dive behind Fermi pile

>Fermis burst into flames, buying me time

>grab my Thinkpad

>escape hatch blocked by cans

>prepare for final stand

>cop comes around corner

>nail her on the head with my Thinkpad

>Thinkpad 1 SWAT helmet 0

>another cop rounds corner

>shoots me

>absorbed in my fat, bounces off

>this angers me

>release the bear

>Guardian Neckbear leaps from neck and begins biting cop

>throw GNU/Hurd kernel DVDs at him

>he dies from disgust

>cop jumps through can pile

>falls onto my pile of dragon dildos

>runs back out screaming

>jump in my get-away pedovan

>mom runs out of house

>SERGIO COMPUTER NO JUST WORKO

>NOT NOW MOM I'M BUSY

>rev up car

>cop cars begin coming around corner

>speed off

>they chase me

>they have no drivers and crash into poles

>an entire polish parade

>1.7% of the parade survive

>more cops behind me

>NO TIME FOR LOVE, COPPERS

>helicopter appears above me

>it's rotational velociodencity begins to degrade as it comes closer to my giant dog-shapped pedovan

>it bluescreens

> be le me

> le open thread

> le dinosaur

> le submit, exit thread, never visit again except to look at how people think I'm awesome

>open the fridge for my nachos i stored

>it was over 13 years ago before my coma but i didn know that i was frozen in my experiment lab

>eat nachos

>feel sudden urge to rip out my lungs

>do

>fail to breathe

>use empty water despensors to attach to my body, working as lungs.

>come to this thread

>make a story

">high on pcp lsd heroin crack

>jump off a roof and fly away till it goes black

>turn my computer off

>fap

>get a tattoo of a snake

>the snake turns into a penis

>everyone thinks im gay

>i kill myself

>i come back as a butterfly and finally fullfill my dream

>go into a woodchipper and reincarnate as my former self

>go party cause im forever young

>drink too much

>fuck a fat bitch, who looks like a 10, thanks jack daniels

>pass out

>wake up hungover

>smoke a blunt with my friend stevy

>get held up because i didnt pay him and stole his bud

>party some more with stevy, we be high af niqqa

>come home

>say hi to mum

>edit my story

>i need sum crack

>i kill a black guy

>i like penis

>i win crack money

>i buy crack

>w00t w00t

>open Popular Fap Site

>fap

>fap fap fap

>make a photoshopped picture of chuck norris fucking justin bieber with blood everywhere

>delete it

>remake it

>post it on 4d1 and get banned

>play steam mw2

>die from horribleness

>reincarnate

>explode from deep inside my heart

>the universe perishes

>peace out niqqaz im hgh af niqqa

/b/tards

bump cause this thread is cool.

bump cause this thread is cool.

 

/b/tards aren't cool.

>be on /g/, using my Gentoo rig powered by QUADFIRE 7970s and an i7 2600k, when knock at cave door

...

Holy shit I lol'ed so hard

 

sauce or gtfo

>be on /g/, using my Gentoo rig powered by QUADFIRE 7970s and an i7 2600k, when knock at cave door

...

Holy shit I lol'ed so hard

 

sauce or gtfo

/g/