So I'm writing an essay to get my scholarship and was wondering if some of you guys could point out some errors. Please and thank you.

 

http://pastebin.com/t9gwNK8H

3rd sentence, switch 20th and October, and add a comma.

 

My first three years of secondary school was spent in SMK Syed Hassan.

*were

 

I’ve achieved 3 As, 4 Bs, 1 C.

Should be,

I've achieved 3A's, 4 B's, and 1 C.

 

My SPM result was 3 As, 2 Bs, 1 C, 2 Ds and 2 Es.

should be,

My SPM result was 3 A's, 2 B's, 1 C, 2 D's, and 2 E's.

 

Good luck

3rd sentence, switch 20th and October, and add a comma.

 

My first three years of secondary school was spent in SMK Syed Hassan.

*were

 

I’ve achieved 3 As, 4 Bs, 1 C.

Should be,

I've achieved 3A's, 4 B's, and 1 C.

 

My SPM result was 3 As, 2 Bs, 1 C, 2 Ds and 2 Es.

should be,

My SPM result was 3 A's, 2 B's, 1 C, 2 D's, and 2 E's.

 

Good luck

Thanks.

Not correct, if you say A's, and B's it means that A and B have something in their possesion, which is not true in the context of what he wanted to write.

It depends on the style manual you are following.

The more conservative use is "A's and B's". The apostrophe does not show possession in this case.

"As and Bs" is recommended.

My opinion is to cut out the biography like stuff. They have your details, no point in restating them.

Keep the main focus on why the should give you the scholarship.

My opinion is to cut out the biography like stuff. They have your details, no point in restating them.

Keep the main focus on why the should give you the scholarship.

^^ This. You are really only talking about your grades and education, need some more info about your childhood, hobbies, interests, girlfriend, WHATEVER.

My opinion is to cut out the biography like stuff. They have your details, no point in restating them.

Keep the main focus on why the should give you the scholarship.

^^ This. You are really only talking about your grades and education, need some more info about your childhood, hobbies, interests, girlfriend, WHATEVER.

 

Yet I don't think they care if you had the most amazing night with your girlfriend; they care if you show passion and genuine interest in whatever you're applying for.

My opinion is to cut out the biography like stuff. They have your details, no point in restating them.

Keep the main focus on why the should give you the scholarship.

^^ This. You are really only talking about your grades and education, need some more info about your childhood, hobbies, interests, girlfriend, WHATEVER.

 

Yet I don't think they care if you had the most amazing night with your girlfriend; they care if you show passion and genuine interest in whatever you're applying for.

Thats why I said WHATEVER.

Well after some hard decision, I had to scrapped the old one and made a new one.

 

http://pastebin.com/cLZK8Zpi