I wrote a story in the past few days, just finished typing it out. I was hoping some of you would like to take a look at it and tell me what you think.

You can find it here

Note: it isn't really a happy story, not for people who easily get depressed ;p

Worst shit I've ever read.

Worst.

Thanks guys!

There are actually people using microsoft skydrive?

There are actually people using microsoft skydrive?

No? who does?

There are actually people using microsoft skydrive?

No? who does?

>2011+1

>still being peer pressured into changing story time hosts

shigella

 

Sorry, just had to do this

 

But actually, not bad.jpg

It was a bit deep, but in all honesty, nothing special.

More please

FaceHunter":1nfvbgmp]More please

You didn't even read it.

Not bad...

Also, Skydrive imo is better

Spoilers ahead on my review - not that anyone cares

 

Not even close to depressing....the description and vocabulary are great but the story needs a lot more work. It almost seemed as if you just wanted to increase the protagonist's pain. The fact that you mentioned that he was dumb and that his father was also dead only half-way through the story is a clear indicator of such. The "beatings" were for stupid and un-practical reasons. Ask yourselves, do grown doctors gang up on a dumb patient and beat them just because they thought he was acting, while entirely risking their jobs and future of their respective families? You way of describing the mother's suicide is quite passive too.

FaceHunter":2ugn3ydv]More please

You didn't even read it.

 

in fact i did

I liked the story.

Spoilers ahead on my review - not that anyone cares

 

Not even close to depressing....the description and vocabulary are great but the story needs a lot more work. It almost seemed as if you just wanted to increase the protagonist's pain. The fact that you mentioned that he was dumb and that his father was also dead only half-way through the story is a clear indicator of such. The "beatings" were for stupid and un-practical reasons. Ask yourselves, do grown doctors gang up on a dumb patient and beat them just because they thought he was acting, while entirely risking their jobs and future of their respective families? You way of describing the mother's suicide is quite passive too.

That's assuming I wrote the story in one go. The stuff about the half way mentioning was the whole point of making it a told story, since someone who had been dumb all their life wouldn't think of that at first. The whole point of the beatings is to emphasise the stress of society on being normal, which I called the suppression in the first bit. For the suicide, keep in mind that it isn't me describing it, but the person describing the events leading up to his suicide. Since the mother dying was a minor one, he skimmed over it briefly, although mentioning that she had had some meaning in his life.

Since it's 12:03 AM I won't really make a long message, but...

 

To be honest, the whole story just feels rushed to me, I think you would've done a better job if you didn't write the whole story in one go. Don't get me wrong or anything, the idea is good, but the implementation could use much more work.

The "doctor part" isn't exactly realistic either, a doctor grabbing a knife and stabbing a patient just because he had a pin in his hands? Come on... Would a doctor really do that?

 

I'm not really in fond of open endings either, but that's just a matter of personal preference.

Since it's 12:03 AM I won't really make a long message, but...

 

To be honest, the whole story just feels rushed to me, I think you would've done a better job if you didn't write the whole story in one go. Don't get me wrong or anything, the idea is good, but the implementation could use much more work.

The "doctor part" isn't exactly realistic either, a doctor grabbing a knife and stabbing a patient just because he had a pin in his hands? Come on... Would a doctor really do that?

 

I'm not really in fond of open endings either, but that's just a matter of personal preference.

I just said I didn't write it in one go.. also, is the ending really open?

What the fuck is this piece of lonely crap? This looks like an story based on 'forever alone' meme.

 

opinion please don't rage

What the fuck is this piece of lonely crap? This looks like an story based on 'forever alone' meme.

 

opinion please don't rage

I know it isn't your average happy happy joy joy story, but at least give an actual opinion, instead of just calling it shit and then pre-emptively defend yourself by calling it your opinion.

i actually like how people do call this crap, i do not say its awesomebut i've seen worse shit on the internets.

he didn't write the story to get cracked, he did it because he was bored...

I just said I didn't write it in one go.. also, is the ending really open?

I guess I've read over that then, I'll just blame it on the fact that I wrote the reply at 12 AM. That doesn't mean that my opinion about the implementation is invalid, though.

 

And the ending really did feel open to me, it just states that he stays for a long time in an old cottage and lives off the plantation, but what's going to happen if someone walks in? What's going to happen if the owner of the ground on which the cottage is standing on decides to remove it? What if the plantation dies out?

5/10

There is much to improve. The first thing you should have in mind is not making mistakes while writing words. Second of all, I didn't much understand the thing he was repeating to himself. And you should also focus on making it more realistic since a doctor stabbing his patient with a knife... I mean, seriously?! The ending didn't also have much sense, either.

Is it weird that the part where you said, 'Then the day came when I was done, I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to end it.', I can relate to myself?

Is it weird that the part where you said, 'Then the day came when I was done, I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to end it.', I can relate to myself?

 

No, that would declare you suicidal.

The thing about judging, average joes dont even know what the actual purpose is, and me judging by the opinions given they are all by the lines "if a staff member thinks its bad then its bad".This is my opinion of course.